Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
