i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
