and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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