Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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