If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
