Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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