we made out on top of his cat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize