K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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