Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
