I'm drive I can fine osifer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
