Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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