Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
