I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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