You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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