Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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