my being single is dangerous.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
