I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
