no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
