Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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