Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
