Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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