I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
