I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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