We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
