I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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