if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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