If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
