i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
