I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
