if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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