Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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