I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just pee around me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
