A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
