is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
