dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
These tits shall not be calmed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
