Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
babies were throwing up all over the place
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
