At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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