So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
