your thong is hanging out like whoa
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
