a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
