ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
