I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
