Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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