It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
