I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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