I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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