You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
