You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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