Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
