I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
