Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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