I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
