There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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