Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
operation have a gay friend backfired
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize