Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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