either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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