If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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