I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize