Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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