fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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