I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Holy shit dude........stairs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
