I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize