if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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