Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found your dick twin last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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