I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
