Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize