So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i have two assholes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
