the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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