Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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