If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
