she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
