I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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