I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
